What is Shame Resiliency?
Shame is a "full contact" emotion. Shame doesn't just happen in our head or heart, we experience and hold it in our bodies. Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging - something we've experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. Shame is not helpful or productive. In fact, shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. Shame is the fear of disconnection.
Some ways that we may mask shame or dispel shame or deal with shame.
"We all have shame. We all have good and bad, dark and light inside of us. But if we don't come to terms with our shame, our struggles, we start believing that there's something wrong with us-that we're bad, flawed, not good enough - and even worse, we start acting on those beliefs. If we want to fully engage, to be connected, we have to be vulnerable. In order to be vulnerable, we need to develop resilience to shame." - Daring Greatly, Brene Brown
Yes, shame is tough to talk about. We all experience shame and yet we are all afraid to talk about it. And, the less it's talked about the more of it there is. Let me help you on your journey to building resiliency around shame so that you can have a productive life and have fulfilling relationships with yourself and others.
It is important to note that there is a profound difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is adaptive and helpful - it's holding something we've done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort. Shame is not helpful or productive.
Guilt is: I DID something bad.
Shame is: I AM bad.
Guilt is: I failed.
Shame is: I am a failure.
The differences between shame anvd guilt are critical in informing everything from the way we talk to ourselves and engage in our relationships, to the way we give feedback and receive feedback at work and home.
If we want meaningful, lasting changes we need to get clear on the differences between shame and guilt and call for an end to shame as tool for change. Shame corrodes the part of us that believes in change. Guilt moves us towards changing to become the person we are and want be.
It takes courage to be vulnerable enough to talk about shame. The first step to shame resiliency is having the courage to reach out for connection and know that you aren't alone. I can help you to heal from shame and build resiliency around your shame so that you can move forward in life.
Below are videos from Brene Brown that explain shame, guilt, vulnerability, courage, and shame resiliency.
Some ways that we may mask shame or dispel shame or deal with shame.
- Perfectionism
- Blame
- Lie
- Impulsivity
- Engaging in compulsive and addictive behaviors
- Compare, contract, and compete
"We all have shame. We all have good and bad, dark and light inside of us. But if we don't come to terms with our shame, our struggles, we start believing that there's something wrong with us-that we're bad, flawed, not good enough - and even worse, we start acting on those beliefs. If we want to fully engage, to be connected, we have to be vulnerable. In order to be vulnerable, we need to develop resilience to shame." - Daring Greatly, Brene Brown
Yes, shame is tough to talk about. We all experience shame and yet we are all afraid to talk about it. And, the less it's talked about the more of it there is. Let me help you on your journey to building resiliency around shame so that you can have a productive life and have fulfilling relationships with yourself and others.
It is important to note that there is a profound difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is adaptive and helpful - it's holding something we've done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort. Shame is not helpful or productive.
Guilt is: I DID something bad.
Shame is: I AM bad.
Guilt is: I failed.
Shame is: I am a failure.
The differences between shame anvd guilt are critical in informing everything from the way we talk to ourselves and engage in our relationships, to the way we give feedback and receive feedback at work and home.
If we want meaningful, lasting changes we need to get clear on the differences between shame and guilt and call for an end to shame as tool for change. Shame corrodes the part of us that believes in change. Guilt moves us towards changing to become the person we are and want be.
It takes courage to be vulnerable enough to talk about shame. The first step to shame resiliency is having the courage to reach out for connection and know that you aren't alone. I can help you to heal from shame and build resiliency around your shame so that you can move forward in life.
Below are videos from Brene Brown that explain shame, guilt, vulnerability, courage, and shame resiliency.
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Gateway 5
140 S. Arthur St. Suite 510
Spokane, WA 99202